SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND ITS FORMS.

On the 24th, July, the topic of sexual harassment, it's types and forms was discussed by the WHISPERS COMMUNITY and Facilitated by Oluchi June.

Facilitator:

So what do you understand consent as?

What’s sexual harassment?

Also, what are forms of sexual harassment?

Anyone can please enlighten us 🥺

MM:

Consent is permission to an action given by the recipient of the action

Facilitator:

Beautiful

So I’ll just give the definitions that we gave

O said Consent: as regards sexual matters, consent is saying YES in very clear terms

J said Consent means giving the go ahead, consent is a conscious yes in a situation sexual or not

O said Sexual harassment is unwanted sexual advances and actions

B said Sexual harassment is unwelcome behaviour of a sexual nature

Which were all very valid definitions

Thank you

Then to give forms of sexual harassment

We got a few forms

O gave some forms of sexual harassment as 

Cat calling 

Slut shaming

Sexual compliments

Touching

Sending nudes you weren't asked for aka dick pics

Sexual favours as bribes

So each and every every one of these definitely fall under sexual harassment

Then there was this post gotten from our discussion here last week that you can refer to for more forms of sexual harassment

It’s really important that we are really informed and enlightened on matters like this so we in turn that inform and enlighten others

There’s a lot of bs that has been normalized in our society

Even personally, I didn’t see the big deal in a lot of stuff because I felt they were normal

But they actually weren’t

Facilitator:

So it’s because of things like this that we hold these discussions 

So we can be informed 

So we can be enlightened 

So we can know

When we know, when we are informed, a whole lot changes about the way we see things

A lot changes about the way we perceive things

So we can never know too much

We keep on learning

We keep on knowing more

Personally, I love learning

I love knowing and understanding new things

That’s why I always ask that we can contribute one way or another in these discussions

Share our thoughts and opinions on these matters

JM:

We have a lot ahead and I pray GOD guides our paths when we become children

I really want to give my children more than the best but I also have a lot to unlearn

Facilitator:

That’s wonderful

Facilitator:

Can anyone explain sexual assault from their point of view to us?

What do you think sexual assault is?

What do you understand sexual assault to be?

Sexual assault is an act in which a person intentionally sexually touches another person without that person's consent, or coerces physically forces a person to engage in a sexual act against their will.

It is a form of sexual violence which includes rape (forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault), groping, child sexual abuse or the torture of the person in a sexual manner.

Before moving on, I would quickly lien to define coercion so we can basically know and understand all the terms being used today

Coercion is the action or practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats.

So now, what are forms of sexual assault?

In the next 5 minutes, would anyone like to share any forms of sexual assault that they know of?

BW:

Rape

Unwanted sexual touching

OJ:

So I would be listing other forms of sexual assault

CO:

Forced anal or oral sex

Forceful penetration with objects

Facilitator:

So I’ll just list the rest

• Forcible object penetration—penetrating someone’s vagina or anus, or causing that person to penetrate her or himself, against that person’s will

What C said

Marital rape

What B said

Unwanted sexual touching

Sexual contact with minors, whether consensual or not

• Incest (Sexual intercourse or sexual intrusion between family members.)

• Any unwanted or coerced sexual contact

So all these and the forms that were listed by B and C are forms of sexual assault

If there’s anyone that we missed, please feel free to chip it in

Other sexual crimes include:

 • Sexual harassment

 • Solicitation of minors through the Internet

 • Possession of child pornography

Now, we would be defining some terms related to sexual assault

What Is ACQUAINTANCE Rape?

What Is DRUG FACILITATED Sexual Assault?

What Is CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

What Is MARITAL RAPE?

So in the next couple of minutes, would anyone want to define any of these terms to us?

BW:

Acquaintance rape is mostly  committed by someone who knows the victim

C:

Wow the subject today🥺🥺

And your experiences its just amazing

OJ:

Beautiful 

Thanks B 

❤️❤️

BW:

Drug affliated sexual assault is usually carried out on a person who is under the influence any kind of drug

Facilitator:

Acquaintance rape occurs when someone you know or trust forces you to have sexual intercourse. The rapist can be a friend, family member, neighbor, or a co-worker. Acquaintance rape can happen on a first date, at a party or when you have been going out for a long time.

It can happen in any relationship, including:

 • Friends, classmates or co-workers

 • Boyfriends and girlfriends

 • 

. It may be colorless, or may leave a bluish  colored residue, and it may also be tasteless.

As you consume the drink, the drug takes effect. You may experience drowsiness, dizziness, confusion, lack of coordination, slurred speech, loss of inhibition, impaired judgment and reduced levels of consciousness.

You are incapacitated and cannot escape, resist or even call out for help. Often, these drugs cause amnesia, and you cannot remember what happened and who assaulted you.

‘Roofies’ are not the only drug used in drug-facilitated sexual assaults. Alcohol is in fact the most commonly used drug to facilitate the perpetration of sexual assault. Just as with roofies, alcohol impairs your judgment, lowers inhibitions, and affects consciousness. In the eyes of the law, you cannot consent to have sex when you are under the influence of alcohol.

Moving on to child sexual abuse

What Is CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

Child sexual abuse is any sexual act with a child by a parent, an adult or someone who is older or more powerful than the child.

The abuse can be physical, verbal or emotional and includes such acts as sexual touching, exposing the child to pornography, taking pornographic pictures of the child, “peeping” at the child, exposing oneself to a child, and attempting/performing oral, anal, or vaginal penetration.

BW:

Went through this for most part of my life, and my crime was I'm a beautiful girl

I always wished I was ugly

Facilitator:

I’m really very sorry B

I really am

C:

Sorry dear, its not normal you didn't ask to be beautiful and its not excuse for anyone to harm you or make you feel bad 

You deserve to be beautiful

Facilitator:

You committed no crime at all 

You are in no way the one at fault 

Nothing you did or didn’t do made anything that happened to you your fault 

I’m so sorry B

I’m so sorry B

You deserve to be beautiful

BW:

It's fine, I'm learning to live without the memories, it's getting easier

Thank you very much

Facilitator:

I’m so sorry B

CO:

So sorry dr. Never regret the way you are cause of worhtless animals. Don't let them tamper with your self esteem. 

You deserve to be beautiful and more🥰🥰🥰

Facilitator:

Yes

C:

Very right

BW:

Thank you☺

Facilitator:

Last but not the least, Marital Rape

Spousal or marital rape is the term used to describe sexual acts committed without a person’s consent and/or against a person’s will, when the perpetrator (attacker) is the woman’s husband or ex-husband (or a man’s wife or ex-wife).

This type of rape is very underreported for a number of reasons; the women may fear the husband’s reaction, or she may fear the stigmatization and shame, as well as the potential loss of his or her children.

Lastly, how do you know an act is sexual violence?

If i miss out on anything, please feel free to chip it in

It’s sexual violence if:

 • a person doesn’t get or give enthusiastic consent prior to engaging in sexual activity (e.g. you don’t ask and obtain clear permission before you attempt penetrative sex)

CO:

Very common especially in abusive homes

Facilitator:

• one of the people engaged in the sexual activity is impaired by alcohol or drugs (e.g. you fool around with someone who is too drunk to speak clearly)

• one of the people engaged in the sexual activity is unconscious or sleeping (e.g. you take a picture of your drunk classmate when her shirt is lifted)

• the sexual activity is with someone in a position of trust or authority like a teacher, coach, employer, etc. (e.g. your boss insists that you give him a back rub after the other employees leave the office)

• the sexual activity is with someone who uses intimidation or threats to coerce a person into sexual behaviours or acts (e.g. your boss tells you to touch them or they’ll fire you)

• the sexual activity is with someone who changes their mind and says “no” (e.g. you and your crush agreed to fool around, but now they’re nervous and just want to watch TV. You must respect your partner’s decision not to engage in sexual activity.)

Really very important

Consent is progressive

And it is perfectly ok for you to change your mind

I’ll share the link to a video on consent for us to take a look at

So to close the discussion for today,

What can I do to prevent sexual violence?

If you feel comfortable, you can take action to help make your community safer. Here are a few things you can do:

 • understand, practise and promote consent

• respect other people’s sexual orientation and gender identity

• join or start a violence prevention program in spaces you belong to help raise awareness

So that’s all for the night

Does anyone have anything they would love to chip in

C:

Do not keep the silence because someone told what they are doing to you is your fault

Facilitator:

Yes

Very important

Thank you very much C.

It is never your fault 

It is never your fault 

If you are abused or assaulted, the only person at fault is the abuser and the assaulter 

Never you.

Have a great weekend guys.